1. Make up can actually slide. In chunks. During application.
Nothing quite matches the devastation of three tonnes of immaculately-applied slap dripping down your cheeks and landing in a puddle on your favourite black velvet top. Le sigh. Smoky eyeliner is one thing, this is taking it too far.
2. Band t-shirts save lives.
Basically the only way to keep your style when it's a million degrees. Bonus points if you can find one of those cool grey Joy Division ones - because grey is OK when it's Joy Division. Trust me.
3. Factor 50 won't cut it - WHERE is the factor 1,000?
This is not on. You'll be redder than the deepest rose, than the blood of a thousand vampire's victims, etc… You get the idea. Also those tanlines from that lace top are NOT the dream.
4. By the time you've finished lotion-ing up and waiting for it to dry,
the sun / your mates have all gone.
5. You will be faced with endless sarcastic calls of "oh, dressed for summer have ya?" when you have ACTUALLY put on your black skirt in the lightest material you own. Sigh.
6. Hayfever and nose piercings are not happy bedfellows.
There goes another one. Seriously, how do my sneezes actually manage to undo the ball closure rings? Bogeys sticking to the metal aren't exactly devastatingly gorgeous either, FWIW.
7. Hairdye will sweat out and make you look like Carrie.
Dripping on neck, ears, forehead, pillows... basically everywhere. Not a good look.
8. You've basically got no option but to get an undercut.
You have no excuse. It feels SO GOOD to let go of some locks when the world's a bit too toasty.
9. If you lie down in the park in all your heavy black clothes,
people just think you're dead.
10. When people assume you must be going to a funeral...
it's never not awkward.
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This week, it's a gloomy-themed episode with some Klangstabil, Danny Elfman, Coil and more!
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